Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The greatest sadness

S has moved on to nasal cannula today, for oxygen support. That is a large step for him. The doctors are going to do it on a trial basis. If he cannot handle moving from the continuous pressure to the oxygen, then he'll go back to CPAP but on a lower level of pressure. He sure makes our life feel complete with each little thing he does.

One part that we're missing more so every day is his beloved twin brother, Mateus. M passed away in utero on December 5, 2010 at 18 weeks and 5 days gestation. My body took two days to prepare itself, but on Tuesday, December 7, I delivered him without any interruption to S. The interval delivery of twins was so uncommon at my home hospital, that the OB who was there said in his 40 years, he'd only seen in a handful of times.

In our sadness, we still had great joy. Days passed and S was strong, his legs kicked more and his heart beat steady. After 7 weeks and three days of bed rest, S made it into the world. While bittersweet, we were completely overjoyed to have a baby, early or not. S has filled us with hope and given us a new outlook. He's a gift his brother needed to give us.

Wednesday, the 16th of March, we will lay our baby boy to rest. We have a dozen or so pictures of him and the hospital was so kind to get his footprints for us. It would be so wonderful to have the two of them grow together. Words cannot express how devastating our loss is to us. His place is Heaven has been secured. Forever, S will have his brother taking each and every step with him as his guardian angel.

Baby Mateus, you will never be forgotten. Forever cherished. Always loved.

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