Two steps forward...

Sam had been having a stellar week. He was down to 2L of high flow oxygen and finally got to eat by mouth! He did great. Until 3AM this morning. He barely took anything from his bottle and had a Bradicardia/desaturation episode that was hard for him to get out of. He also lost 2 ounces. Crap, son. You can't go backward! We're here for you -- you can do it! Let's face it, prematurity sucks.

Top 2 Tuesday

All the cool kids are doing it, so I am too now! Linking up with The Undomestic Momma this week to share with you the top two songs on my iPod. iTunes tells me that I have an odd taste in music.

1. John Lennon - Beautiful Boy

This one is self explanatory. I've been singing it to Samuel and I love it.

2. Britney Spears - Till the World Ends

What's funny about this is... this was JUST released, a week or two ago. I've had it on nonstop while I clean, cook, do laundry, dance around the house... etc. It's perfect dance it up, feeling good music. Who doesn't love some Britney Spears?

Frugality

Never has $8.00 in CVS Extra Care bucks made me so happy. My husband and I have decided to live frugally now that I am unemployed and off maternity leave. That means finding every way to save every penny we can and giving up our everyday luxuries. My buddy, Mrs. C, over on The Other Side of the Story is amazing at finding a deal, or two, or three. She's inspired me to give it a bigger effort. My husband and I were brainstorming tonight on how we can save money easily. Here's some things we came up with.

1. DIY oil changes. My husband could easily change our oil and filters instead of going to the local shop. Savings - $12 every three months.

2. Eat a cheap meal, twice a week. Dinner of spaghetti with sauce and some garlic bread would cost me $2.00 to make a night. Some nights, my hubs and I spend over $20.00 just on take out. Savings - $36.00 a week.

3. Coupon everything. We aren't the healthiest eaters. I am comfortable saying we eat processed foods and lots of sugary cereal. If I use my coupons better, and follow some fliers, I can get many things cheap. Lots of things free! Savings - endless.

4. Cut out the gym membership. We have an elliptical, bike and treadmill in our basement. My husband has a full weight bench/rack thing. I can do 30 minutes of step aerobics on Wii Fit plus. I can use my cable's OnDemand option to "Sweat it to the Oldies" with Richard Simmons. We can go for afternoon walks. We can work out without spending $39.98 a month at a gym that sees us once a week, at most. Savings - $39.98.

5. Cut back on giving. I spend way too much moolah on gifts. Instead of shelling out $100 for a little cousin's birthday this month, I am going to step back and give a more responsible gift. Let's be honest. This cousin's mom will never do that for Samuel, so why am I going to break my back over it? I hit up Carters.com today, and with some codes from Retail Me Not, I got her three outfits for $28.00. Yeah. THAT was awesome. Savings - $72.00 a month, if not more some months!

6. No weekly blow outs. I have impossible hair. Thick, kinky, crazy, curly, Portuguese frizzy hair. My long time stylist has been blowing it out for me every Saturday morning at 8AM since I was 18. A small expense weekly that feels entirely worth it, since it takes me up to 2.5 hours to do my hair BUT not necessary. Mike agreed to let me keep going once a month (on a weekend we have plans) to get it blown out. Savings - $60 a month.

7. Once a week golf, no more. If I have to cut out my blow outs, Mike can't be golfing on every Saturday morning. Instead, he'll join my brother for golf once a month and they will go to a public course. Long gone is the country club membership from last year. Savings - huge $$$ I am embarrassed to admit.

If you look at that, it's $5000 savings a year. It's small things we're talking about here. The impact is not that great of a change to our quality of life. That much money is enough to buy me a new Macbook and iPad and... to put in the bank. I hope I can keep myself accountable. I'll check in often on my progress.

Pumping woes

For once, I thought something was going well for me. I had been steadily pumping from 600-700mL's a day of breast milk for my little guy. Then I got an infection from a medical procedure which required antibiotics and boom. My supply dipped. It happened seemingly overnight! Yesterday, I didn't even break 500mL. Lovely.

My stash is large right now. I have about exactly 18930mL or 640 ounces in the deep freezer. That doesn't count the 30 ounces or so in the kitchen freezer. My son is taking in 44mL per feeding, 8 times a day for a total of 352mL or just about 12 ounces a day. This is half of a normal infant's daily intake. The goal is to get him to feed by mouth and take 18 ounces minimum before he goes home. If I can't keep up with him, my stash will quickly dwindle and I'll never have enough to last!

I am deathly afraid of not being able to provide breast milk for my mini-miracle. The antibodies in my milk provide him with strength and his stomach can easily digest and use what I provide to him. If I can't do that small thing, than I'll feel like I failed him completely. I couldn't provide him a strong home for 40 weeks, might as well feed him the best possible nutrition.

I need to get my supply up, and quick. I have a script for Reglan. I am going to give it another go. It temporarily boosted my supply before. Might as well give it another shot. After some research, I think I will try to do a few more things: drink more water, eat more food, pump around the clock and drink Mother's Milk tea. My supply had been established and I could get that total amount with just four pumping sessions a day. Today, I pumped six times and was lucky to get 500mL.

Wish me luck. My boobs will have some explaining to do if they can't keep up!

New mommy style

Since I gave birth to Samuel, I've been pretty bad about looking my best. My outfit of choice was usually a pair of maternity jeans and sweatshirts with either Ugg boots or mules. Classy, for sure. My mother was increasingly annoyed with my rapper's ass, as she called it. The crotch of my pants would sag, it looked like I had no butt at all. We set off on a classy yet inexpensive wardrobe to mix with my pre-pregnancy clothes.

Many places we visited didn't carry my size or have anything that flattered my belly. Keep in mind, this belly was not a product of my pregnancy. It was there long before I even met my husband; it's just floppy now. My pre-baby wardrobe includes lots of tanks, bermuda shorts and flip flops. With $160 and a LOT of coupons, I was able to add to my wardrobe substantially at NY & Company. Four pairs of crops, one pair of shorts, one pair of bermudas, three cardigans, four tops and a short trench, and I almost forgot, a pair of peep toe flats. Worth every cent.

Here are some of my best finds:

I love this simple v-neck cardigan. I purchased it in this stone color, and once I wore it and LOVED it, I went back and got it in black. Love.

I live in anything comfortable. These crops, in olive, tan and grey, can easily be dressed up or down. Let me tell you this: NY&Co should have a girl with curves pose in these pants. This stick does them no justice!

The shirt, pants and jacket are all a part of my new spring summer wardrobe. I love the softness of the top and the spunky, fun peach jacket. I wish I could tolerate a necklace because that looks so put together. Alas, I rip them off within minutes of putting one on.

Love. I can doll these up with heels or throw on flip flops to be comfy, and I'll still look more tailored than I have been. If only it would stop snowing. 

My splurge? Ann Taylor Loft. I got a dress and two tops there. Almost as much as I spent at NY&Co, but worth it for the quality. My favorite new addition:

Love the color, love the fit, love it all. I can't wait to wear this to one of the many events I have coming up in the next few months. Now I need to look for a new pair of shoes...

Wee Bit of Me Wednesday...

I have to start a new tradition on here. I'll be hopping onto the bandwagon and joining other bloggers in sharing a few tidbits about me. So....


{one} if you won a trip to Disneyland/world, who would you take with you?My husband, Mike, with our son wrapped in a Moby wrap. I can't pick just one!
{two} when was the last time you listened to a CD?My wedding favor was a CD. I listen to that in the car once in a while.
{three} what spice/seasoning is your favorite?Cinnamon. Especially on porridge.

{four} if you were in a band, what kind of music would you play?Don't judge - Christian Rock.

{five} if you could have personally witnessed one historical event, which one would it be?JFK's Inauguration. 
{six} if you could go back to school, what would you study?Nursing, with a concentration in obstetrics and pediatrics (neonates.)

{seven} if you could go to one sporting event, all expenses paid, which one would you see?The UEFA finals. 

{eight} do you drive an automatic or a manual?Automatic. Ever since I tore my MCL and ACL, I can't handle a clutch.

{nine} are you comfortable speaking in front of people?Yes. A little too much so, actually.

{ten} have you ever experienced an earthquake?Yes. In the Azores when I was . It wasn't huge, but it was enough to keep me from going back the next summer. I got over it eventually, and went back at 13.

Two months old!

I make his bed the way I like it. I completely dismantled the nurses work and made him cozy and comfy.

Doesn't he look peaceful?

He was all set with taking pictures with his "I'm two months" onesie. As if putting the onesie over his head didn't piss him off enough, I made him pose for pictures. In this first one, he's smacking my arm out of the way. Feisty little boy!

 

 

It's been two months. How do you like me now?

I'm wiped out, Mommy. Let me sleep!

We had a good day. He's been sleeping comfortably, eating well and doing well with breathing. He hasn't had any changes within the passed few days, but he is going strong. Samuel now weighs 5 pounds 12 ounces. He's huge, comparatively.

We've moved

To a smaller hospital where they can address Samuel's less intensive needs. The Level III nursery he was at was at full capacity, with lots of little, more critical babies. Sam needs help with feeding, growing, breathing. Lots of help with breathing. For the past few weeks, there was talk of Sam stepping down a level so he could be closer to home (literally a five minute WALK away, compared to a thirty-plus minute drive.) We got word that he was healthy enough and a room was available on Saturday, March 26 around noon. That is the best 25th birthday present my husband could ever have! He was transported at 4PM and when the ambulance came by, it was bittersweet. We were happy to move forward but we loved each and every moment with Samuel's care staff. We'd rather not be in that position at all, but his primary nurses and staff were phenomenal. We're forever grateful to them and ever bonded to them for helping us all during this stressful yet happy time.

This is his "woe is me" look.

We took a  bunch of pictures before we left his home of 8 weeks.

Last "Portuguese Word of the Day: adeus."

My beloved Ameda Elite.

The room looks so desolate with all his decorations down.

His primary nurse getting ready to bring him on the ride to the new hospital.

All buckled up and ready to go!

Getting onto the ambulance.

There's our boy, just a hundred feet ahead of us!

Arriving at the new Hospital.

His Build-a-Bear, ready to take care of him.

Our last family kiss in room 3442.

And so our journey begins with a new environment and a new care team. Our neonatologist also works at the Level III a few weeks out of the year, so I do not doubt the quality of care at all. Our biggest adjustment will be from having a 180 square foot room to ourselves down to a 300 square foot room for 4-8 kids. When Sam got to the hospital, there were 7 babies! It sure was a tight fit. Today, two babies were discharged and the room is far more comfortable with just 5 babies. 

They first put him in a small plastic bassinet but they quickly realized that was too small for him. They laid him in a crib just like at his other room! The doctor is thrilled that Mike and I know Samuel so well, and was happy to see how big and strong he is for the hurdles he has jumped. We're proud of him, too. 

Keeping it clean

I come from a family of clean freaks. They are more than just clean freaks, my mother has been diagnosed with OCD. She irons everything, washes her floors twice a day and if you move a vase just a few inches over, she notices. She's the female "Monk."

I didn't inherit the insanity, but I am also pretty into having a clean house. I cannot handle clutter or mess. I hate to see dishes in the sink waiting to be washed. When my husband showers, he knows the clothes has to go down to the basement to the hamper there. It's a huge change from his previous dwelling, but he's getting used to it.

Our cleaning routine is pretty easy. Everyday, we make the bed, wash all dishes, sweep floors and dry off the shower after we use it. My husband has also learned to dry off the bottles of body wash and put them back in our linen closet instead of letting them fill up the shower shelves. I wash the floors as needed, which is usually two to three times a week. I hate foot prints. Every Saturday morning, I dust every room, move furniture to sweep behind it, wash the bathroom and kitchen and change the bed sheets. Every few weeks, I'll dust the baseboards, wash windows (as needed) and wipe down the walls. What do I use to clean? Just a wet sheet of bounty and a dry one. It works better than anything else we could think of.

Despite always keeping up with my house, I feel like it is never complete. I guarantee so many people agree.

Coming home... ish.

Busy days lately. Yesterday was my husband's birthday and he got the best birthday present ever: our son was moved to the Level II nursery right up the street from us. I am heading over to the hospital now to take care of him during his care times... I'll have to post all about our day tonight.

Good news - he is 5 pounds 6.5 ounces, and in size 1 diapers. Wow.

Baptism Prep

In our parish church, we are required as parents to attend a Baptism preparation course before our son can receive the Sacrament in the Catholic church. It went well. The leaders of the mini-retreat were two couples, one has been married 35 years and the other 42 years. The focus of the retreat was to ensure that we were ready and willing to raise our children in the church as active members and active in their spiritual growth and faith.

The leader asked us a bunch of questions to gauge our knowledge of scripture. Sadly, I never raised my hand. I didn't want to be that girl that knows all the answers. My husband is just shy, so he sat quietly beside me. We couldn't get away with silence that long. One of the leaders was my CCD teacher way back when and he knew I knew the questions he asked. He was shocked when my husband was quicker to answer, but he attended Catholic school for 14+ years. I felt like a COMPLETE nerd the entire time, because out of all the couples there, Mike and I were the only ones who knew the answers to the questions.

Just because I am book smart when it comes to religion (definitely not science), it does not mean squat. I know there are four Gospels, but the girl on the side of me who has no clue who Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are may be stronger spiritually. Mike and I sure do have to grow together in a spiritual sense.

Since I got pregnant, I only attended mass at most once a month. This is the girl who was at mass every week, singing the psalms and practicing for choir twice a week. It was pretty tragic for me that I couldn't attend. I was just too sick. When all the complications began, I never attended church. Since Sam's been around, I've been three times out of seven weeks. All in all, we know we have to make it a priority to get back into it. The easiest place to learn about the word of God is in his house. Spoken like a true nerd.

Our plan is to read the bible more, try to interpret it in a way that is relevant to our everyday life and use the lessons learned. Our goal is to raise a spiritually grounded son who likes being involved in his community and gains the emotional security to choose his path for himself.

34 weeks gestation

We've been keeping track of Samuel's weight and height on the premature baby curve, as well as the actual age curve. He's not yet on the charts for actual age, of course, but he is on the charts for preemies! I've forgotten to discontinue all of the emails I signed up for while pregnant. One told me that by 34 weeks pregnant, my "baby is now 4.7 pounds and just shy of 18 inches long!!" Samuel is 4 pounds 14 ounces and somewhere between seventeen and eighteen inches. 

Little boy is perfectly average. His weight is getting to be above average. The Neonatalogist informed us that our son will likely be an average weight at 40 weeks gestation, and fall on the charts for adjusted age right at 50%. 

Chubby cheek syndrome, Cute baby disease and Momma's Boyopathy

Cannot wait to continue to watch him grow!

Our nursery for Samuel

S' nursery is complete-ish right about now. We are missing a few small details, like window treatments of some sort and replacing the frames with pictures of him and not that random model as shown.

Samuel's changer and bookcase.

Mr. Giraffe

The armoire. This thing is massive (even though it looks small here.)

Baseball pull on the light and my grandmother's plaque from Fatima.
It has been in this room for over 40 years.

Sam's rosary, given as a shower gift from a friend who visited Fatima, Portugal.

Animals play sports, right?

See. Proof they play sports. Monkeys can dunk!

A soccer ball time out chair!

Sam's crib that he probably won't use until he's 4. I'm scared to have him so far.

My organization skillz.

Sam's block, silver cup and ball bank next to the beginning of his book collection.

Aww.. a Giraffe seat.

The boy's walk in closet. Lucky kid, he gets the biggest closet in the house!

We can't wait to show him his room and we sure hope he likes it.

Visiting policy

Is it strange that I want to visit the cemetery every single day but have yet to do so? Part of me is afraid that I will break down again and lose that closure that I felt in my heart. It's unbelievable to me that my son is buried in the ground. It's incomprehensible, really. Will I always feel so afraid of my feelings or will I eventually open up and see with my eyes that it is okay to feel pain?

It's hard not to come to terms with this as easily as I thought I would. I am sure I shouldn't have to. Healing takes time.

2010

I'm not talking about the year, but rather my little boy's weight. At this nights weigh-in, big baby boy got to 2010 grams. That is equivalent to 4 pounds 7 ounces. He was 1010g (2 pounds 4 ounces) at birth. That means he needs to gain only 10 grams to double his birth weight! This is HUGE.

Some things that are happening in the NICU with S. He is off the CPAP now, and moved onto high flow nasal cannula at 4L per minutes. He went from CPAP of 7 to high flow 4L. That is considered a huge jump with a preemie and while he isn't a superstar at breathing right now, he sure is giving it his best shot.

Mike, my husband, gave him his first dose of medication by mouth. S really liked it. He looked like he would lick the short syringe it was in for hours if we let him. He's precious. We also got to pick him up and put him down whenever we wanted to. We don't, because we don't want to over stimulate him. He needs his rest.

But oh em gee. He's nearly double what he was born. Amazing little man he is.

Lay in peace, my baby

My sweet baby Mateus was laid to rest today. While I don't have much to say, I have to admit that while it was very hard to deal with and I took it so much worse than I thought I ever would, I have consolation in knowing he is with God. We're going to have a long life filled with reminders of how hard this time was for us. I wouldn't ever want to forget.

Beautiful baby boy, you will forever fill Mommy's heart with the memories of the months you were inside me and the hours I held you in my arms. I will never, ever stop loving you.

Fly

I have been humming this tune for the past few days. I couldn't remember the words, the singer or the title until just a few moments ago. Celine Dion happens to sing many songs that mean something to me. There aren't words better than these right now.

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

I need control

I am a complete control freak. I need to know every last detail of every last thing going around me, and if (when) I don't like how it's going, I change it. Simply, I'm nuts.

Right now, I cannot handle the fact that I couldn't control my pregnancy a little better and have both of my boys. I cried one time over the loss of my son, and I never thought twice that it must have had a purpose. I never dwelled on my loss but focused strongly on making sure S was safe and healthy. Today, I really don't like myself at all for this. Everyone, including social workers, therapists, counselors... they all said my outlook and positivity was healthy and my strength was admirable. I feel like I was a coward.

My husband was a little different. He felt the loss immediately, and then after worried each and every minute of the day about me and our unborn baby. He was more realistic and human about the loss of our baby. I tried to be superwoman. Now here I am, sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of burying our sweet baby boy. Words cannot express how resentful I am that I didn't give myself the time to grieve. I cried once. One time. I didn't cry while holding is tiny, lifeless body. I didn't cry when I made the arrangements for an autopsy.

I cried when they took him away to the hospital morgue and the reality set in that I would never, ever see him again. Pictures cannot take the place of holding your child, feeding them, watching them grow. He will never get the chance his brother has and I cry now knowing I will not watch him grow. I cry tears for the birthdays we'll never celebrate and the fun we'll never have. I cry because I cannot control the outcome. I sob because I cannot control my feelings.

I cry, cry and cry. All I can do is cry.

The greatest sadness

S has moved on to nasal cannula today, for oxygen support. That is a large step for him. The doctors are going to do it on a trial basis. If he cannot handle moving from the continuous pressure to the oxygen, then he'll go back to CPAP but on a lower level of pressure. He sure makes our life feel complete with each little thing he does.

One part that we're missing more so every day is his beloved twin brother, Mateus. M passed away in utero on December 5, 2010 at 18 weeks and 5 days gestation. My body took two days to prepare itself, but on Tuesday, December 7, I delivered him without any interruption to S. The interval delivery of twins was so uncommon at my home hospital, that the OB who was there said in his 40 years, he'd only seen in a handful of times.

In our sadness, we still had great joy. Days passed and S was strong, his legs kicked more and his heart beat steady. After 7 weeks and three days of bed rest, S made it into the world. While bittersweet, we were completely overjoyed to have a baby, early or not. S has filled us with hope and given us a new outlook. He's a gift his brother needed to give us.

Wednesday, the 16th of March, we will lay our baby boy to rest. We have a dozen or so pictures of him and the hospital was so kind to get his footprints for us. It would be so wonderful to have the two of them grow together. Words cannot express how devastating our loss is to us. His place is Heaven has been secured. Forever, S will have his brother taking each and every step with him as his guardian angel.

Baby Mateus, you will never be forgotten. Forever cherished. Always loved.

Change da clox

That was one of my Facebook friend's status' today. Yup, yo Change da clox. Since we're springing forward, it'll change S' schedule quite a bit. We're moving from 8-11-2-5 to 9-12-3-6. Of course, we don't mind too much, but since my husband works and we usually don't get to the hospital together until 4:30 and we leave around 8:30, we'll only catch one care time! It's different for me, since I get to see him all day long, but he's a fan of diaper changes so S' primary nurse might try to keep him at that schedule.

So much good in our life right now! I can't wait until I have more than a minute to catch up.

A New Day has Come

Celine Dion is one smart lady. She hires some brilliant writers, that's for sure!

I cannot get over how much this song hits so close to me. Right deep down into my heart. I cannot get over how lucky and BLESSED I am. Everything good in the world can be found in those two big eyes that stare back at me happily as I sing to him. Nothing can ever change the long road it took for my miracle to come. After tragedy, there should always remain hope!

1700 grams

Little man is not budging from 1700 grams. He apparently thinks 3 pounds 12 ounces is a good number for him. He doesn't realize that staying 1700 grams for 4 days straight will concern his nurses and in turn, concern his parents? Fortunately, his doctor isn't thinking much of it. He started his diuretics this week and has been losing the water weight he was holding on to.

What weighs 1700 grams? A quick Google search tells me this:

• a dolphin's brain,
• the brain of the leading poet of the Russian Revolution, Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky,
• one liter of Hydriotic Acid,
• the brains of two camels, 
• and a fetus at about 32 weeks gestation.

That's right, everybody. Baby S is growing right on par. A 32-weeker would be about 3 pounds 12 ounces if he came today. That news makes momma happy. A fun tidbit? Einstein's brain weighed 1492 grams when he died. S outweighs that and then some! 

If S doesn't gain a little weight over the weekend, his breast milk will be mixed with formula to make it 30 calories. Breast milk, straight from "the tap" is 20 calories per ounce. He's currently getting his milk at 27 calories, so hopefully without a weight gain this weekend, a boost in calories will mean a boost in weight. The golden rule for S is as he gains, his lungs grow and he gets stronger.

Six Weeks Ago...

You were born.

That was little baby S at 4 hours old, weighing 2 pounds 4 ounces... lots of that water weight. A few days later, he dropped down to 1 pound 14 ounces. Now, six weeks later, he has doubled that number! 

Mr. S has brought so much joy to our lives already. Along with his care staff, we have a set of lofty goals for him to keep in mind. 

• Be the President of the United States at 36 y.o.
• Become a Hall of Fame pitcher for the Boston Red Sox by the age of 35. :)
• While playing for the Red Sox, he will spend his down time studying in Cambridge at Harvard. One of his Neonatologists has offered to pen a wonderful letter of recommendation. 
• During his childhood and young adulthood, we expect him to give us headaches, have lots of friends and be happy. We want him to grow knowing what a miracle he is.

Out of these goals set, the last is probably the most realistic. Sweet, beautiful baby boy. We love you.

What's up for the Weekend?

Today, I am super excited that Hubster has the day off. We're going to get some things done in S's nursery and grab some necessities at Michael's craft store (because I am obsessed). Once we get all those things done, we're going to spend most of the day at the hospital with baby. We might even go for dinner out tonight. It'll be a treat.

Tomorrow, I'm going shopping for some things with my mother and then visiting S with her. After my husband gets home from work, we'll go back together to spend the evening there. He's getting more attentive to us, and we find he spends most of his awake time in the afternoon/evening, because that's when he is used to having us there.

I have my cousin's daughter's First Communion invitations to finish. They're pretty complicated pocketfolds that I was crazy enough to make myself. They're worth it. Madison is awesome.

Sunday, there are no plans made yet. I assume we'll just... hang out at the hospital! He's a fun kid to be with. What's on tap for you this weekend?

Back in the day: BBMak

Today, a few of my online friends and I had a poll about music, concerts, etc. I was excited to see that one of these friends saw the band "BBMak" in concert. Really. Had she not mentioned them, I would've forgotten all the join that band brought me. From their cameo appearance in "On the Line," that D- movie featuring Lance Bass and Joey Fatone to their days opening for NSYNC themselves, they lit up many ladies lives for a few weeks. So... I looked them up on wikipedia. Their single "Back Here" made it to number one in the US on the adult contemporary charts!

That video shows me why I love late 90s pop music: BBMak, Mandy Moore, 2/5's of NSYNC! Which brings me to my next argument. Why did Lance rap in that song? He totally doesn't pull it off. And why didn't Joey Fatone get more solos with NSYNC? He has an amazing voice!

Off to download some NSYNC, Mandy Moore and BBMak.

The wonders of blood

My superstar is down to 26% oxygen while lying on his back. Huge step forward. This past weekend, he was getting 48% oxygen or higher and on his belly. The nurse this morning said when he is on his belly, she doesn't even need to use any oxygen support for him. He clearly can't be on his belly 24/7. His reflux meds and daily diuretics have begun to do their job, but he is doing so incredibly well after his blood transfusion.

Please, give the gift that keeps on giving. Donate your blood. Not only do the smallest humans benefit so greatly from your gift, so do thousands of other hospital patients. My mother also received blood via transfusion in 2007. Had she not received the transfusion, she would not be here today.

Visit your local blood bank, or visit here: The RI Blood Center. The prick of the needle is quick, but its benefits will last someone else's lifetime.

What's going on with baby

My son is now 5 weeks 4 days old. His gestational age is 32 weeks. He technically should still be cooking inside, but he's out here and fighting. Some things going on with his life:

• He is on CPAP respiratory support. Continuous Positive Airway Pressure is commonly used with premature babies as their lung tissue continues to grow. While we wish S could breathe on his own, the CPAP is a step up from being ventilated. A ventilator would be damaging to his lungs, and we're happy he isn't requiring that kind of therapy. It's going to take time, but he'll get strong.
• He weighs 1700 grams. (Everything in the NICU is metric, by the way.) That is equivalent to 3 pounds 12 ounces. His birth weight was 2 pounds 4 ounces and he dropped down to 1 pound 14 ounces when he was a few days old. Today, he doubled that weight! He's an all star in the weight department, right on the average curve. 
• Baby S does not need any type of digestive help. He loves to eat and is up to 30mL's every three hours, given via Gavage tube over one and a half hours. That's 8.1 ounces a day! What a big jump from his 1 teaspoon a day.
• He has been tested numerous times for many different reasons, and all those tests came back negative or all clear. They are: cranial ultrasounds, vision tests, digestive scans, among others. We still have more testing along the road but this is a positive start. 
• He received his third blood transfusion, because he was anemic and showing clear signs of it. He's doing much better after receiving that gift from a stranger. 
• S is on a number of medications/supplements: caffeine to aid in his Apnea spells, poly-vi-sol vitamins to provide more iron, sodium to keep his electrolytes in check, Reglan to help quicken digestion to lessen acid reflux, Zantac to reduce his acid reflux and a daily diuretic in place of Lasix to help keep his lungs and chest cavity fluid free.
• He's getting rounder and chubbier by the day. His isolette is now fitted with an interesting contraption that resembles a dinosaur skeleton, used to hold up his CPAP prongs so he can lay on his back with his head flat. The wonderful nurses have begun to shape his head and we've noticed a difference very quickly. 

He's still got a long road ahead of him. He has to learn to breathe on his own, and get off the CPAP before he can start getting food by mouth. Once on nasal cannula oxygen, he will have all the feeding hurdles to cross. Throughout all of this, he needs to make it 5-7 days with no spells at all to come home. It could be weeks or even months before he makes it home. We're trying our best to be patient but we want our baby with us. He'll make it. The doctor informed me the NICU is not outfitted for preschoolers, so we should expect him before then. :) Silly doctors.

I'm gonna pump you up!

It's damn near impossible to nurse a premature baby. It's completely impossible to nurse MY preemie. He is still requiring respiratory support, so he is still receiving all of his feeding via a gavage tube that goes down his throat. He has been receiving my milk since he was 4 days old. They started by giving him 1mL every 8 hours. That's the equivalent of half a teaspoon a day! He's now up to 1 ounce every three hours, for a total of 8 ounces a day. That sure is a jump! Because of how little he was getting and still gets (compared to the amount I supply), I now have a pretty large back-up supply in a deep freeze in the basement - 400 oz!

Let me give you the ins and outs of how I am successful at exclusively pumping (EP). It's not for everyone and it's definitely not preferred, but with certain circumstances, like NICU babies, tongue-tie, latch problems, etc., many moms find it best not to throw in the towel and instead become besties with the pump!

1. Get a good pump. Many suggest you get a hospital grade pump and stick to it. You can rent these from most hospitals with a lactation consultant (LC) and they can cost anywhere from $30-75 a month. Some people are luckier than most, and they can get their insurance to qualify their rental as a medical necessity to get it's rental fee covered. My son being born three months early was not qualified, but hopefully you have better insurance!

I don't have a hospital grade pump. I rented one for 2 weeks and it was great. I have the same pump in my son's hospital room. It's an Ameda Elite pump. Because I was used to using Ameda and already had three sets of tubing, flanges, bottles, etc, I decided to get an Ameda Purely Yours Ultra pump. It's great. It works just as well as the hospital pump. I get the same output at home then I do with it at the hospital.

2. Drink lots of water. Get into the habit of always having a drink by your side. If you are thirsty, you aren't drinking enough!

3. Get started right away. I started pumping within 6 hours of my son's birth. I could've started earlier, but I was in the NICU visiting with my baby and his care staff. It's important to mimic the needs of your child. Most suggest pumping 8-10 times per day or more. My LC said a minimum of 8 times per day. You will notice your supply drop if you don't reach that goal of 8-10 times.

4. Do not sleep through the night! It's important to wake up at least once overnight to pump, ideally between 1-4AM. No newborn sleeps through the night right away. If they do, I'm envious. Just remember to mimic that baby and his needs and pump around the clock. My schedule is typically (but not always) like this: pump at 3AM, go back to bed, 6AM, 9AM, 12PM, 4PM, 7PM, 9PM, 11PM, go to bed, 3AM.

5. Lube your horns. Your breast pump horns can get pretty uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. Some lube up the horns directly with lanolin or even olive oil to prevent friction. It's great to also apply this directly to your nipple. I never quite got into doing this. I hated the Lansinoh lanolin. I found it painful to apply. It's quite thick and sticky. The Medela lanolin is much easier to apply.

6. Get lots of parts! I have a total of 6 pairs of horns and valves. It's so much easier to just keep a plastic Rubbermaid near my pump and toss the dirty sets in there throughout the day. When all of my sets are used, I will then wash them all at once. It's so much easier than washing one set at a time. It also saves water and precious time you could spend with your baby rather than the sink. Parts can also be washed in the dishwasher.

7. Try to boost that supply. I currently am taking Reglan to increase my milk supply, but many also try Domperidone (available online), Mother's Milk tea, blessed thistle, fenugreek, among others. Of course, before starting anything, check with your doctor.

8. Take good care of your nips. It's very important to take good care of your nipples. Keep them clean and dry. I always let my milk air dry and then I wore a little lanolin the first few weeks. After a while, the pain ceased and they became more tolerable of the pump.

9. Think of your baby.  Some say that looking at a picture of your baby, hearing them cry or thinking of them will help their milk letdown. I haven't noticed a difference with using any of these for a letdown. It just... happens. If it doesn't come as easy, use one of those mind tricks to get that milk flowing.

10. Massage and compress it out! The most useful thing I have done within the past few weeks is massage my breasts and compress them before, during and after pumping. It keeps the clogged ducts and infection away. My worst fear was recently realized with a case of mastitis. Immediately call your physician, get some antibiotics and rub out that clogged duct. Also, use warm compresses, hot showers, cold compresses (for pain relief). It's a difficult thing, having a clogged duct.

Lastly, this you can't buy at a store - patience. Be patient of your work at the pump and be accepting of whatever output you get. Every little drop counts. I know it. I've cried over spilled milk. :)

Here's to the memories!

What better a way to look back and remember what happened in life than by reading it with your own words? No one will be able to share how I feel about a certain situation better than myself. Despite being excited to start my own blog, I am also apprehensive. I don't in any way promise to be entertaining, but that's ok. I can at least try!

How did I come up with the name? Well... We have a preemie. When I say "we" I mean my dear husband and I. Our son, S, was born January 28, 2011 after we lost his twin 7 weeks and 3 days before on December 7. S is now at 32 weeks gestational age, but his actual age is 5 weeks and 4 days old as of today. He's had his hurdles, but our faith will see us through! He's never going to forget his twin brother - he was given his name as his middle name.

Since our wedding in June of 2010, we've been through a lot and it's clear that we are a good team. We don't doubt that more difficult situations may come our way, but we've gotten to know each other far more than many married couples ever do in just 8 short months. Through adversity, we become stronger. I'll be sure to update this blog as soon as I can find more time. Off to put together a crib!